Hi there! YingYang here, live and direct from Grenada. I'm a thirtysomething, moderate-liberal, working single mother. I'm a web, TV & pop culture addict, and a passionate Caribbeanista.
Men hitting women
In light of the recent Rihanna/Chris Brown situation, I’ve been marinating a post about domestic violence and abuse, with particular reference to our West Indian society. My attempts at that post ended up being long-winded, rambling and overtly emotional to the point where I’ve just decided to put it on the back-burner for now until I can write something collected and sensible.
However I am going to confess this now. In my last three relationships I was either hit, punched, slapped, verbally abused, and in the case of my ex-husband, head-butted and had a computer thrown at me. I have gone to work with visible bruises, and yes I have lied about running into doors, or accidentally hitting my head on the dashboard, or any of the assorted, cliched excuses well known to abusers and victims.
I have never admitted this to anyone in a position to help.
There are a lot of women like me out there. More than you could imagine.
_______________
This morning I came across this post regarding the RiRi/CB situation and some of the words jumped off the screen and yelled “Re-post me!” So here they are:
If a man beats you today, he will almost always do it again. If he treats you like crap before you’re married, he’ll keep doing it after you walk down the (a)isle. If he cheats on you now, he’s probably going to keep doing it. If he isn’t taking care of his kids when he met you, he’s probably not going to take care of yours. Some concepts are pretty simple, but the elixir of love makes us blind, deaf, dumb and crazy. The truth is that most people tell us exactly who they are if we are willing to listen and observe.
So, so true.
Have a good week all. Be good and be safe.
bakannal 3:39 pm on February 15, 2009 Permalink |
I hope those days are forever gone from your life luv.
abeni 3:41 pm on February 15, 2009 Permalink |
One thing I find about the whole Rihanna thing is that maybe persons will realise that the face of domestic abuse knows no boundaries. Have you checked out my letter to my heart?
lilalia 5:23 pm on February 15, 2009 Permalink |
I do hope your inner voice says, “neverever again”. Thank you for your willingness to speak the truth. May the gods bless you.
acrooms 5:28 pm on February 15, 2009 Permalink |
i, too, have a very similar past when it comes to men not being able to keep their hands to themselves, so to speak.
this is a wonderful quote. it’s just too bad that so many women–when they are in the thick of an abusive situation–can’t admit to themselves how bad it is. or at least love themselves enough to know they deserve better.
abeni 7:39 pm on February 15, 2009 Permalink |
i forgot to add..*hugs*
Yamfoot 12:48 am on February 16, 2009 Permalink |
I always think that if a man with whom I’m intimate ever puts his hand on me, that would be the first and last time.
But having never been in the situation, I don’t know.
Thanks for sharing.
Global Voices Online » Barbados, Grenada: Domestic Violence 10:13 am on February 16, 2009 Permalink |
[...] attention to the Rihanna/Chris Brown incident prompts Blah Bloh Blog [Grenada] and Barbados Underground to focus on the issue of domestic violence in the Caribbean. [...]
J 10:34 am on February 16, 2009 Permalink |
Maybe I am fortunate or maybe I am as we say in Barbados I am “ignorant bitch” but as I near 60 no man has ever tried to hit or punch,or head butt nor throw anything at me.
One man said that he would but I told him sweetly that I would wait patiently until we ‘gree back good good, and that one night while he was sleeping I would throw a full, large pot of boiling water all over his face. He a “bad man” from the slums of West Kingston realized that I was NOT joking.
I WAS NOT JOKING.
From 18 I have worked for my own living and have always lived at me.
I’ve never lived at a man’s house and I don’t intend to start now.
Men try to make out that they like submissive women. But in truth men despise submissive women.
Rihanna is smart enough and hard working enough that she has to be on top in her relationship with ANY man.
Stunner 9:18 pm on February 16, 2009 Permalink |
Sorry to hear that such a thing happened to you, no woman should experience that. I am totally against a man hitting a woman, that is just plain wrong. Not to be insensitive, but I still can’t understand why women stay in such relationships though. It just seem like common sense for one to flee from such danger. I had a neighbour who was in an abusive relationship and every now and then I would hear her being beaten and at times see her with bruises. But she still stayed in the relationship. It even got so bad that one time me and a few other neighbours had to intervene and both had knifes drawn. They claimed to have broken up, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they got back together. I agree with the that quote too.
jdid 6:05 pm on February 17, 2009 Permalink |
love is indeed a strange thing that we can rationalize some of what would appear to be illogical behaviour in the face of such events.
i remember one caribbean girl i went out with asking me if i duz beat women and when i responded in the negative (i was shocked actually) she wanted to know what was wrong with me.
anyway YY I’m happy you have escaped those situations and lived to tell the tale. stay safe
yingyang 7:39 pm on February 18, 2009 Permalink |
Thanks all of you for your kind words and your comments. Since I posted this I’ve been researching the domestic violence issue, specifically as pertains to the Caribbean, and will soon be able to post up some hardcore facts and information. Some of the statistics – and stories – I’ve come across are truly terrifying and heart-breaking.
zooms 7:08 pm on February 24, 2009 Permalink |
Been there, done that, got the bloody t-shirt, funny thing is though, as an independent, strong minded, liberated woman, never imagined it would happen to me, said I would run a mile, throw them out , refuse to have anything to do with them, but then he didn’t come with a sign that said psychopath, he came with love and good looks, kisses and poetry and didn’t shed the sheep’s clothing for years. My mother’s advice?
“Get out and stay out, or, stay put and shut up.”
I got out.
I have never discussed this with anyone, happened years ago, but in response to your brave post, … strength in solidarity.
Thanks x
Global Voices Online » Caribbean: Message for Rihanna 4:29 pm on March 10, 2009 Permalink |
[...] not only because Rihanna is Barbados-born and bred, but because the whole issue of domestic abuse hits really close to [...]
Bobbie 4:08 pm on September 5, 2009 Permalink |
I am a victim’s advocate in U.S. My sister lives on Carriacou. I visit her often and have seen abusive treatment of women and girls.
I am going to be in Grenada again in January 2010. Hope to investigate ways I can contribute to the solution…and support of victims.
Thanks for listening:
Bobbie Feather MSCP